Laughing, for heaven’s sake

The one-woman show ‘Late Nite Catechism’ is God-awfully funny— and educational at the same time

By Paul M. Banks

“Late Nite Catechism” is a stage show with appeal to both Catholics (practitioners of the Roman Catholic faith) and people who can be described as catholic (appealing to comprehensive and universal audiences). Set in an interactive catechism class, it reminds me of my old C.C.D. (Confraternity Christian Doctrine) days. Both then and now, I got in trouble for 1.) not following protocol and 2.) giving completely incorrect answers.

When I gave the wrong definition for “Immaculate Conception” on the stage, I reminisced about why I dropped out of Catholic school (or was kicked out, depending on who tells you the story). If someone asked me about the “Immaculate Reception” of the Pittsburgh Steelers’ 1972 season, though, I’d get an A+.

Early in the show, “Sister” the main character, accurately sums up most people’s Catholic school experience: “It influences you for your whole life; you can never get it out of your head.”

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The background music and props set the stage appropriately. There’s a Virgin Mary statue, which looks strikingly similar to the one that constantly reappears as a major plot device on the ABC series “Lost.” Next to the concession stand rests a mahogany wood portrait of John Fitzgerald Kennedy. How fitting that a Kennedy image is placed near the booze. As our only Catholic president, JFK is almost canonized by the dialogue of the show.

“Late Nite Catechism” pokes fun at many of the same Catholicism topics as the 1999 film “Dogma.” Highlighting salesmanship and capitalistic motives, Sister’s comment that “if it wasn’t nailed down, we’d raffle it off,” reminds the viewer of George Carlin’s constantly hustling Cardinal character in the movie. However, the two works contrast sharply in overall message and tone. Writer-director Kevin Smith’s screenplay did for the art of subtlety what Kevin Federline brings to music. The movie featured an all-star cast, including Chris Rock as the missing 13th apostle and Canadian singer-songwriter Alanis Morrissette as God herself. Its approach drew condemnation from the Catholic league.

The tone in “Catechism” is quite different. It has been performed in numerous parishes and has drawn extensive praise from priests and nuns. LNC holds the record as the longest-running one-character comedy in several locations, including Off-Broadway, Chicago, and Seattle. In New York, it ran for seven consecutive years. It has been showing here since 1993. It is written and produced by Vicki Quade. In addition to producing numerous shows in various stage genres, she is also a former correspondent for Newsweek and a stand-up comedian. Quade’s journalism work has received dozens of awards for writing, editing and photography, including the Spirit of Benedict Award from the Benedictine Sisters of Chicago in 2003.

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If you are squeamish and shy regarding audience participation, then this is not the play for you. Lord help those poor souls who left their cell phones on or arrived late. The show attendees don’t have to participate, but they will get much more out of the experience if they do. During Sister’s open question-and-answer session, I asked, “Who is Jesus rooting for in tomorrow’s game of the century: Ohio State or Michigan?” Predictably, someone in the audience shouted, “Notre Dame!”

This show contained lots of sharp, funny dialogue, including: “Jesus first appeared at age 12 in the Bible and then later at age 30. Because he was grounded all that time; Mary was the first person in history to scream out “Jesus Christ! What are you doing?”

In addition to being funny, “Catechism” is also very educational. On this night, I learned that immaculate conception occurred when “Mary appeared within her mother Anne’s womb without the stain of original sin,” that the word “ejaculation” has a definition other than the one you’re currently thinking of and that Catholics are not to blame for America’s penultimate ranking for belief in evolution. According to Catholic dogma, “it’s OK to believe in evolution as long as you understand that God set the first spark and gave us an immortal soul which separates us from the animals.”

According to a recent Gallup poll, 46 percent of Americans believe in creationism. With only 54 percent believing in evolution, America ranks next to last among this survey of 32 major industrialized countries.

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Lisa Braatz is one of five actresses who perform the one-woman show. She brings a noticeable Southside Chicago accent to the role. Her chair made of broken rulers and the tales of students “getting whacked” elicit memories of the sadistic Penguin character in “The Blues Brothers.” She informed me that she is much less strict than the other nuns, and is usually a lot easier on the audience. She read the Bible cover to cover in eight months and did quite a bit of research to prepare for the role.

“Out of all the shows that I do, this is my favorite,” Bratz says. “It’s the most rewarding to me because I love working off the audience. Some nights its magic, other nights there’s nothing. It changes with every show.”

According to the playbill, “Lisa attended Catholic schools and remembers Sister Paul Mary as the toughest nun she has ever run across, but of course, she was always the good girl and never got whacked.”

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“Catechism” focuses on specific issues of faith, not the bigger-picture truths. It stays away from the deeper questions that can be harder to look at than Jerry Falwell with his shirt off. After detailing various hagiographies, Sister qualified some individuals for sainthood and cut others with the ruthlessness of a reality television show host. Later, the gestalt of the afterlife was dissected. One afterlife destination, Purgatory, involves putting in work to redeem your sins. Following the magnanimous spirit of Catholicism, it is possible to get yourself out of trouble in Sister’s class. Here, I repeated the pattern of my adolescence. During a routine, comedian Chris Rock once referred to his high school G.E.D. as a “good enough diploma.”

After dropping out of C.C.D. in junior high, I went back and got my confirmation G.E.D. During freshman year, I did the CCD make-up sessions at a different parish and attended the necessary weekend retreats. My salvation from purgatory was eerily similar to the way I worked my way out of Sister’s doghouse after intermission. Which isn’t bad for a public school kid, or “a public,” as Sister would pejoratively put it.

Late Nite Catechism plays at The Royal George Theatre (1641 N. Halsted) Sundays at 3 p.m., Fridays at 8 p.m. and Saturdays at 8 p.m. For tickets, call the box office at (312) 988-9000 or log on to www.theroyalgeorgetheatre.com.

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