What I’ve learned

Living in Chicago, this is the year’s best of What I’ve Learned...

If you wear your winter coat to a bar to meet your friends, place your coat on the back of a chair and offer your friends a convenient place to set theirs, right on top of yours. That way, if a coat gets stolen, it won’t be yours because it’s at the bottom of the pile.

Never, under any circumstances, feed pigeons. There is nothing sane about purchasing seed at a pet store, walking into a park or stopping near an empty lot and throwing a pound of bird seed at a bunch of flying rats. Saving bread from a restaurant to later feed pigeons also means you are insane.

Does anyone else think it is odd to see city vans driving around with the words “Department of Revenue” printed on the sides? I am glad the city is honest about their intentions instead of printing “Department of Parking Services” on the sides.

After midnight on a weekend, you are guaranteed to see something disturbing in the vicinity of Belmont and Clark.
— Mike Florczak

Always, ALWAYS carry something to do with you that will keep you occupied for at least 30 minutes. Inevitably, your train will get stuck waiting for signals ahead, your bus will break down, or your cab driver will suddenly start swearing incomprehensibly and stop the car. There's no excuse for wasting time.

Some of the best restaurants in the city are BYOB. Bringing your own is a perfect way to be sure you’ll enjoy the wine as well as the company. And if you’re looking for a good BYOB, Caro Mio, on Ravenswood and Wilson, has some of the best Italian food in the city. It’s a great place for dates or for groups, but call ahead on weekend nights.

The Art Smart program at Loyola University Museum of Art or the First Fridays at the MCA are great ways to meet people, have a drink and see some art at the same time.
— Karin Kane

If you see a girl or guy at a bar you think you might be into, talk to them immediately because you’ll probably never see them again.

Staying awake while drinking at a bar until 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning is hard work.

Every bar in this city, no matter how trendy, classy or high-priced it is, has a $2.50 can of Old Style. Just ask for it.
— Jeremy Schnitker

If you read a magazine on the El, people are probably reading it over your shoulder, so you should just hold it at an angle to make it available for everyone. It’s nice to share.

Two toe surgeries and $1,200 in medical bills have taught me that you should remain at least five feet away from any woman wearing high heels in the Wrigely Field bleacher concession lines.
— Scott Graham

If you pass a parking spot that you want (i.e. in a garage, open parking lot, side street, etc.), and there are cars behind you, you no longer have privilege to said spot. Do not back up, do not get an attitude, do not wait for the other five cars behind you to accommodate your need for that space. It’s no longer yours.

When you have your car broken into, and your CD case is not stolen, you’re grateful. When your car gets broken into a second time a year later, and the same CD case is still not stolen, you should feel insulted.
— Debbie Podmore

A lot of people from New York who come here to visit end up leaving with a large part of them actually wanting to move to Chicago, and most of them probably would try, if not for that whole New York City ego thing.

If you want a little taste of “old school” Chicago, try Twin Anchors for dinner in Old Town. Sinatra and his crew used to come in there all the time when he was in town, and if he got tied up, he’d send someone to pick up an order for ribs and a huge bucket of sauce. Also, if you ladies liked the movie “Return to Me” with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny, some of it was filmed there.
— Trent Modglin

Some of those bars with black windows and no sign out front except for a neon Old Style sign aren’t creepy at all. Sometimes, they’re quite charming, a haven away from the annoying bar crowds. Don’t be scared.
— Dan Ochwat

If you’ve signed up for the Chicago Sport & Social Club or another sports league, check with your favorite bar to see if you can get sponsorsed. Sometimes they’ll pick up part of the registration fee or give your team discounts or money off bar tabs. And make sure to go out after you play, the actual “Social” part is often more fun than the “Sport.” You can make some great friends this way.

When work, family or friends have got you down, take a bike ride or walk down to the area outside the Adler Planentarium or the end of Navy Pier. There’s really a fantastic view of the skyline and Lake Michigan from that perspective. Then remember how lucky you are to be living in one of the greatest places on the planet.
— Mark Schwalenberg

Anyone who’s from this area will claim to be from Chicago even though there is a world of difference between Chicago and Palatine. Also, anyone who grew up in this area thinks you are from “Southern Illinois” if you’re from south of I-80.
— Mace Ponce

Cubs and Sox fans have long since run out of new reasons as to why their team is better than the other, so they’ve each been using the same reasons over and over again for years.

It’s funny how 90 percent of those who call into sports radio shows have nothing interesting to say.
— Vince Samford

There’s a little-known killer hot dog stand in the downtown area called Big Herm’s, located at the corner of Washington and the river. Outdoor/riverside seating, greasy food, and a bar attached!

Hands down the best stuffed pizza I have tasted in Chicago (and I’ve tried a lot of places) is at Art of Pizza, a small shop at Ashland and Nelson. Just ask my poker buddies!
— Dan Miller
 
Tips for the House of Blues:
1. There is street parking on State Street just North of the House of Blues after 6 p.m. Get there quick and you’ll save $16.
2. If you want to get a great spot for the show, eat in the restaurant and skip the line. I recommend the shrimp po’ boy.
3. If you’re at an all ages show and want a close view, head to one of the side bars where they only let the 21+ crowd in. The beer is close, and you’re not bumping into sweaty teenagers all night.
— Brian Hertel

Tourists and suburbanites are completely incapable of using escalators and revolving doors.

No matter how ridiculous the latest fashion trends are (ponchos, gaucho pants, knee-length shorts, etc.), girls in Lincoln Park will blindly follow them. Honestly, Elaine Benes’ Urban Sombrero could catch on here.

Finding a cab on New Year’s Eve after the bars close is literally impossible. Coincidentally, NYE is always the coldest night of the year in Chicago. Not a winning combination.
— Matt Mohrlang

On any given Saturday night, it’s easy to find a girl in the bar who (although she is half your size) can drink you under the table easily.

Demand for Cubs tickets transcends rain, wind, hail, cold temperatures, their winning percentage and ticket-price increases.

If you live in a high-rise apartment building, you will receive more free Thai, Chinese and sushi take-out menus than you could ever possibly need.
— Paul Banks

Do not move tray tables, cones, boards or anything else blocking a freshly shoveled parking spot. As of that moment until spring thaw, it belongs to whoever shoveled it. If you park there, your car will have scratches, broken windows and/or 20 gallons of water poured over it. While not actually included in the city ordinances, it is nonetheless enforced by the shoveler (and endorsed by the mayor).

1. NEVER put ketchup on a hot dog.
2. An Alderman is a city councilor. Some Aldermen are actually women (but all are ineffective). Surprisingly, they haven’t passed a law changing the name to Alderperson.
3. Wacker is actually a street name.
4. The nearest Republican is in Indiana.
5. Chicago is where the tradition of giving candy for Halloween began.
— Jason Eardley

If there is a funky odor on the “L” when you step on, it is a person, and you should immediately switch cars.
— Erin Florczak

When you leave a bar, check to see where you’re at before hopping into a cab. A $3.00 fare is embarrassing.
— Brian Sesterhenn

Not everyone who asks for money to ride the bus is really going to ride the bus.
— Sarah Hamilton

ALWAYS contest EVERY parking ticket you get and ALWAYS go to court when you get a speeding violation. I’ve won every time.
— Kristen Hanto

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