Lunch is not a date ... The Q&A

Answers to your dating questions from author and comedian Ian Coburn

By Ian Coburn

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to The Real Chicago or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: I met a guy waiting for the bus yesterday. He was very charming and interesting. We had a nice conversation while we waited for the bus. When the bus did arrive, I was totally turned off. He stepped in front of me to get on first. How rude! I was so annoyed I didn’t sit next to him. Why are men so impolite, and if I see him again, what should I do?
— CTA rider

A: That’s great that you met a guy waiting for the bus. It’s a good place to meet someone. No noise, no distractions, no other guys interrupting, none of your or his friends to worry about appeasing. And he must have some confidence to approach you, out in the open where he could easily and noticeably be embarrassed. Plus, if you’re unresponsive, he has to stand there next to you, waiting for the bus. He was willing to take that risk, so, there’s a good chance he’s a good find, at least enough of one to warrant talking more with him.

Good guys want to determine your level of interest. We’ll do minor things to see how you react, to make sure we’re not bothering you. If I meet a woman at a bus stop and we have a nice conversation and she’s laughing, but I sense she’s a little hesitant, I want to gauge her interest. A great way to do that is for me to get on the bus just ahead of her. Why? I want to see where she sits or stands. My plan is to grab a seat next to an empty seat or move toward the back of the bus. Does she sit next to me? Does she follow to the back of the bus or stay near the front? If she sits next to me or follows, I take it as a very good sign that she is at the very least interested in talking more. If she doesn't, I take it as an indicator that she does not want to talk further and has no interest. I have to get on just in front of her, because if I don’t, some idiot who’s not paying attention might sit next to me or get between us. Maybe he wasn’t being rude, he was simply trying to gauge your interest.

If you see him again, realize he probably thinks you are not interested. You’ll have to approach him. Ask him how he’s been doing. He’ll take if from there. When you get on the bus, see what happens. If he gets on first, sit or stand next to him. If you get on first, get on just in front of him and sit next to an empty seat or push to the back and see if he follows. Give him something to work with!

Q: I just started dating this woman, and I’m a little nervous. She’s the first woman I’ve dated who’s older than me. I’m 23 and she’s 27. I don’t have much money, and she makes tons. How can I keep her interested, and what are some good date ideas?
— Too young?

A: Met her doing some charity at a nursing home, eh? Don’t sweat it. Simple dates like renting a movie or cooking dinner work just fine. Every now and then do something special. That doesn’t mean spend a lot of money, it means show her you listen to what she says. Women want that more than anything else. I once dated someone who grew up on a farm and mentioned in passing she had never been trick-or-treating. For one date, I went out and filled up my nephew’s plastic pumpkin with all kinds of candy, even the crappy kisses, candy corn and pennies we used to get as kids. We spent the date with me showing her how we separated and counted the candy as kids. She loved it.

Q: I’m a guy plagued by the fantasy all men have. I’d like to have a threesome. But really, really badly, like beyond most guys desires for one. Any ideas on how to make that happen?
— Wishful Thinking

A: A threesome doesn’t occur the way guys think it does. Most guys think the women don’t know each other, there’s some crazy pillow fight involved, and so forth. In reality, usually the women are really tight friends, and the guy is the stranger. Women talk a lot more about sex and relationships than guys, and in much greater detail, so it’s not unlikely for two good girlfriends to discuss it. Your best bet is to find two women who are really close friends at a bar or party one night who are behaving very flirtatiously. Flirt with them constantly, push a little more, add innuendo about the subject of threesomes to the conversation and see how they react it. If they don’t drown you in their drinks but instead react like the topic is no big thing, keep going, and at some point, make a pass at both, maybe by asking who is a better kisser. You’ll have to get the three of you alone at some point, so try to leave together and suggest sharing a cab or walking them home. Or just answer an ad.

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