Real to reel

Local observations from a movie, music buff

Remaking a bad movie still gives you a bad movie
Tarantino and Rodriguez team up for a waste of time with ‘Grindhouse’

By Dan Ochwat

If I were to give “Grindhouse” a critic’s star rating, using the standard four-star scale, it’d be four stars.

But don’t get too excited. The breakdown would be one star for Robert Rodriguez’s “Planet Terror” and three stars for Quentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof.” To top it off with the proverbial critic ad quote: “Grindhouse is one useless day at the cinema.”

I saw the film opening night, prompted by some very good reviews. Critics heralded how much fun it was, reminding them of their days at the drive-in, watching campy gore flicks of the early ’70s. The two movies have a scratchy look of bad film, include missing reels and fake trailers for upcoming off-color releases. News flash: Most of the people who actually go to the movies were born in the ’80s. In my case, born in 1977, but I still missed that era of moviemaking.

So, what am I saying? We don’t get it. Sure, we can detect when something is campy and should be observed as “a lot of fun,” but it doesn’t have the impact that it does on the people who grew up with those trashy movies — our parents. To us, it’s just a trashy movie. Thus, no one should be surprised by the box-office failure this movie has been.

According to the website www.boxofficemojo.com, “Grindhouse” made just over $4 million in its second week at the box office, a 74-percent dropoff from the first week, causing it to fall to 10th place. Even “Wild Hogs” made more money, and that sad sack has been out for seven weeks. Continuing the pile on, “Grindhouse” has made less than $20 million total — flat-out miserable.

Now, part one of the “Grindhouse” failure scenario is that young people go to the theaters, so a ’70s parody film isn’t going to catch their fancy. But, part two is that the movies just aren’t that good.

I had always wished that I lived through the cinema of the ’70s, witnessing “Taxi Driver,” “The Godfather,” “Deliverance,” “A Clockwork Orange,” “Carnal Knowledge” and many others that I can rattle off the top of my head. They just seemed grittier and gutsier. That said, I am glad I never had to sit through the cheese and gore of those pulp films that Tarantino and Rodriguez apparently adore. It’s mindless garbage, not even really that clever. And this whole experience felt like a student project.

To break them up: “Planet Terror” is just absolute gore bore (not a reference to our former vice president and the state of the planet, but as in giant exploding mutating heads). It is disgusting, even sometimes offensive. And yeah, I know that’s the point, but it’s funny and clever only to a social misfit. (Those guys in long black leather trench coats who sport bushy goatees and wear Sepultura t-shirts. I know you had that guy in your high school.) At one point, a character’s toxic penis is melting off, prohibiting a rape scene. Sepultura-boy finds that funny.

Now, I’m not completely humorless — using a machine gun for a leg is very funny. I also thought Jeff Fahey was a hoot, but I still wanted to leave. The highlight of the film was when my wife uncovered some chocolate she snuck in that she bought in Prague. It was unreal, some nuts and cherries in it. Just a delight. Then, I looked up on the screen and some zombie was getting its head blown off. Loads of fun. I hated this movie and would’ve left if I didn’t have to stick around for Tarantino’s “Death Proof,” which I actually liked. Tarantino didn’t just parody the splatter films, he added his slick dialogue and modernized it. I even clapped at the end.

The film gives us an amazing car chase sequence with actress Zoe Bell (who worked as Uma Thurman’s stunt double in the “Kill Bill” movies). Here, playing herself in a large supporting role, she straps herself to the hood of a car, and what starts out as a thrill ride becomes an effort to save herself from maniac stuntman Mike (a wonderful Kurt Russell), as he tries to run her off the road. It’s a very exciting sequence and turns for the best, when we get a hysterically funny, distraught Russell to close out the film.

But, despite Russell and the car chase, I still left the movie wondering what the point of it all was. Tarantino employs some inside jokes from “Pulp Fiction” (foot massage, Big Kahuna Burger, “tasty beverage”), and he throws in an homage to “Reservoir Dogs” (the circling camera diner scene) and others. It’s all cute, I guess, and it’s fun, but paired with “Planet Terror” and linked to a parody of a double feature drive-in hootenanny just sort of brings it all down. We don’t need retreads of an era or film genre that’s thankfully bygone. Bad movies are still bad movies, even when the joke is that it’s a bad movie.

David Martin
I’ve often referred to James Taylor as my surrogate father. In college, that first nervous day away from home, I played Taylor to comfort me to sleep. David Martin, a singer-songwriter from Cary, Ill., who plays the Chicago scene, sent me his recently printed CD “Bottom 80.” According to Martin, one of his largest influences is Taylor, and he shares that quiet, Taylor-esque sensitivity.

Martin certainly doesn’t sound like Taylor though, who has a near-perfect voice. Martin’s voice, to be honest, isn’t really good at all, but I don’t mind that. I like my singer-songwriters to have an imperfect voice. There’s something about when they miss a note that rings true. My only real issue with Martin is that the music just doesn’t have enough edge to it, the songwriting is all stuff we’ve heard before. There’s nothing fresh or inspired here.

Singer-songwriters are a dime a dozen, so it does take a lot to stand out. Martin is good with a guitar, and I enjoy the sleepiness of the album. But I’m not sure he’s memorable.

I’ll give him one thing: He’s better than those guys playing sports bars on Thursday nights killing us with another Ryan Adams or Jackopierce cover. Martin is playing original tunes, and he’ll serenade you at The Bird’s Nest on April 20. His album can be purchased at www.davidadammartin.com. Check him out for yourself.

In Concert
On 4/20, Andrew Bird plays with Apostle of Hustle at the Riviera Theatre, a great double bill to kick off a new set of spring shows. On that same night, Brit punk comedic band Art Brut plays Subterranean and Kaiser Chiefs play with The Walkmen at the Vic.

On 4/22, Modest Mouse and its rockin’ new album play a large Auditorium Theatre show. On 4/23, Bright Eyes strums at the Riviera Theatre. Up-and-coming pop band The Postmarks are at Schubas on 4/25.

Mood music Brightblack Morning Light plays the Empty Bottle 4/27. Even more eclectic sounding, The Books play two shows on 4/28 at the Old Town School of Folk Music. Continuing with the electronic theme, the sultry sounds of Junior Boys are at Empty Bottle on 5/3, and legends Air are at the Riviera Theatre 5/4.

On 5/5, The Kooks play Metro, and Swedish sensations Peter Bjorn and John play two shows on 5/8. The second show is with dance-pop auteurs Fujiya & Miyagi at the Empty Bottle, one of the most anticipated shows I’ve come across in a while.

Playing songs off her new album, which is quite good, Laura Veirs & The Saltbreakers are at Schubas on 5/8. It’s got a Sufjan feel to it. Legendary mental patient and quirky singer Daniel Johnston plays two shows at the Lakeshore Theater on 5/10. Tapes ’n Tapes play with Ladyhawk at the Abbey Pub on 5/12 and heavy metal rockers Mastodon play the Riviera Theatre on 5/12.

Known for her live show, Regina Spektor sings 5/13 at the Riv. One of my favorite bands live, Animal Collective, plays Metro on 5/17. Arcade Fire packs in the Chicago Theater for three shows, 5/18, 5/19 and 5/20. A great triple lineup of rock, Kings of Leon, Albert Hammond Jr., and The Features play 5/19 at Riviera. On 5/22, a great dance show with Electrelane and The Blow at the Empty Bottle. Equally body shaking, !!! (chik chik chik) plays Metro 5/23.

Keep sending me your music or anything else on your mind at danochwat@hotmail.com. I’ve also joined the MySpace army, so give The Real Chicago some love at http://www.myspace.com/danochwat

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