Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: You mention in “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters” that you’ve met and dated people playing in sports leagues. I play in a floor hockey league myself, but I never meet any guys. What am I doing wrong? (I’m attractive, so that’s not the problem.)
— Lorianne

(This reader also e-mailed me a picture to show me she was pretty. Too funny. She is very pretty, just for the record.) You’ll notice in the book that I never dated anyone on one of my own teams, only women I met while subbing for another team or who subbed for my team. Or women I met going out with the other team after the game. In future seasons, once dating, we played on the same team, but not initially.

The key to meeting someone playing sports is to get out of your own group dynamic. Most people play the sport, then go to the bar with their team and don’t even talk to the other teams. They become tight with their team and often go out with them on the weekends, again failing to reach out to other teams. We all tend to socialize in groups. If you date someone in your group, which many people end up doing simply because it is the only option available, it can hurt the group dynamic, especially if there is a break-up. Even if you’re good friends after you date, you’ll end up hanging out together a lot at the group events and no one else will feel you are approachable; it would be awkward to hit on someone who another person in the group dated.

Make yourself available by mingling with other teams at the bar or inviting them out with your team after the game. Attend some of their group events on the weekend when they invite you, which they will if you keep in contact and say “hello” when you see them on league nights. Before you know it, you’ll be meeting all types of people. The toughest thing is to make yourself available by getting out of your group dynamic.

Q: I’m partway through your book, and I have to say it hilariously insightful. Thanks for writing the book. I’m almost wishing I don’t finish it too quickly. The anecdotes in it are funny! Do you think that at some future date you could post on your blog your own ideas on how to deal with guys who jump in front of you while you’re chatting with women? It doesn’t happen that often, but when it does, it is so annoying.
— Robert

Ah, yes, the cockblockers; every guy’s favorite. Cockblockers are another reason why it is key to establish flirting with women right away when meeting them. You already have a flirtatious rapport with the women, these guys don’t. Use that in any manner you deem necessary; make fun of them, their clothes, whatever, even if you just whisper it as jokes to the women. (If you’re talking with more than one woman, cockblockers may be very welcome. Position yourself so that you continue to talk with the woman in whom you are interested. The cockblockers have effectively removed the other women as obstacles for you. You won’t have to divide your time between talking to the woman in whom you’re interested and getting her friends’ approval.)

This is one of my personal favorite techniques I’ve got for dealing with cockblockers: They usually approach with a line and planned-out strategy. Most will approach the women, while one or two will approach you, looking to cut you out of the conversation, removing you from the equation. The guy who talks to the women first is the leader. Go after him. Walk around the other guys and introduce yourself to the leader, then introduce him to the women, one by one. “This is Shelly, this is Brenda, this is Jen, and this is Barb. Ladies, this is Dave. He and his friends wanted to meet you.” You’ve just established yourself as the leader, knocking him down to subordinate. You’ve embarrassed the guys and announced their obvious intentions. Everything is out in the open and they feel very awkward. The women might even chuckle. The leader will get less support from his buddies now, who have respect for you simply because you put the highest-ranking member of their group in his place quickly and effectively.

Because you introduced the women to them, you can no longer be eliminated from the conversation. You have all the power and are the most confident guy of the bunch; they know it, and the women know it. Most of all, it looks like they needed you to introduce them to the women; they couldn’t do it on their own. Basically, they came over to throw a punch, and you beat them to it, totally catching them off guard. You control the conversation and its course. You have not only successfully joined the group of guys, you have taken it over. Usually, the guys stick around long enough to save a little face, then flee the scene after a few minutes.

Thanks for all the compliments about the book, Robert. Very flattering and good to hear. Glad you find it useful and entertaining.

Q: I sleep with a lot of guys on the first date. I don’t have that many dates, but I do sleep with guys on those first dates a lot. Am I a slut? My friends bug me about it, and I’m starting to wonder about it myself.
— Doubting Self
A: This is one of the biggest differences between men and women. As far as men are concerned, what happens between a guy and a girl is between the guy and the girl. As far as women are concerned, what happens between a guy and a girl is between the guy, the girl, all the girl’s friends, and all the women in the known universe. Men don’t judge, women do. And frankly, they don’t have that right. No one does. It sounds like you are pretty choosy about who you go out with in the first place and already have decided you like them a lot when you go on that first date. If you’re happy with your life, that’s all that matters. Oh yeah, by the way, what are you doing next Saturday night?

Thank you to everyone who is submitting questions. Keep ’em coming! Feel free to check out the book, which currently has 38 reviews on Amazon, with an overall five-star rating. Thanks for the reviews; I’m very fortunate and flattered. And thanks for spreading the word, as that has been the key to its success!