Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: I've found that the older my friends and I get, the more passive we are when it comes to talking to girls in bars. We notice them, but we don't find a way to meet them as much as when we were younger. Is that normal, or should we have our heads examined?
— Curtis, 30

A: I did some impressions early on as a stand-up comedian. Here’s an impression of me in my early 20s when my friends asked, “Hey, you wanna hit this bar tonight with us?”

“I don’t know. Will there be a lot of pretty girls there? What are their drink specials? What kind of music do they play?”
Now when my friends ask me if I want to hit a certain bar, it goes like this.

“I don’t know. Is the bathroom big? I don’t want to go to a bar with a tiny bathroom where I have to shift when I’m peeing so the door doesn’t hit me when someone opens it. Also, is the music loud? I don’t want to have to yell over the music to talk.”

I don’t care about specials or women. I will pay $10 per drink to hang out in a bar with no women if the music isn’t loud and the bathroom is large. How’s that for a turnaround?

It boils down to this: As you get older, your tolerance for B.S. in dating goes down, both in what you take and what you give. That’s why you don’t “find a way to meet them as much as when you were younger.” From that statement, I gather you use lines and moves, and that takes B.S. Learn how to use what’s in the room (yup, the common denominator I’m always babbling about) and what’s going on to start a conversation far more easily and less forcibly. This will help you meet more women again. The flipside of the coin is, when you really find yourself making an effort to meet someone, you know you have a high level of interest in her.

Q: What is your opinion on dating in the workplace?
— David, 31

A: Who cares? What is your workplace’s opinion? That’s the real question. No one makes copies anymore; it’s obsolete. So why do businesses still have copy rooms? To provide a place where their employees can have sex. Truthfully, it all depends on your working relationship. You’re an idiot if you date an employee or someone in your department who you have a lot of business contact with daily. Dating someone in another department with whom you have limited or no business contact is a much wiser move. Work can be a good place to meet people and provides an excellent common denominator. Make sure you don’t pursue, though; take a simple “no” to heart, or you could find yourself in your H.R. office. And if you do wind up there, try not to hit on the hot H.R. lady, okay?

Q: A couple I know goes to movies all the time together, but he goes to a movie he likes and she goes to a movie she likes. They rarely see one together, it seems. Is that strange? Is it a sign of something wrong with their relationship, or am I just reading too much into it?
— Jessica, 28

A: Why do you care? Are they making you go with them and watch both movies? Date someone yourself and you won’t have to worry about other peoples’ dating lives. Actually, it sounds like they’re pretty smart and well-adjusted. They don’t have the same taste in film. Instead of insisting on making each other watch movies they don’t want to see, they separate and re-group after the flicks. Doesn’t that seem wiser than forcing someone to sit and be agitated or even miserable for two hours?

Q: Women. I love them. I date them. But I can’t understand them. Please help me.
— Lucas, 27

A: My stepfather recently passed away. Years ago, I was once very upset about a girl. My mom must have asked him to call me, because out of the blue, he gave me a ring. He gave me some of the best advice I ever heard: “If you try to understand women, it’s your own damn fault.” Very true.
Want to do well with women and be successful in relationships? Here are the basic principles to get you started:
1.) Stick mostly to flirting when you meet them, even through the entire first date. You can change gears after that, but use flirting to set the tone of interest and establish that you are a bit of a devil.
2.) Be evasive early on (women call this “mysterious” but it’s really evasive). Answer questions like “What do you do?” with questions like “What do you think I do?” This helps keep the conversation going and makes you intriguing, for some reason. Remember, don’t try to understand it, just accept it.
3.) Women communicate differently than men. If a woman says one thing but then does another, heed her actions over her words. (Ladies, men are the opposite. If a guy says one thing but then does another, heed his words over his actions.)
4.) Show your lady special attention every now and then. Let her know you are paying attention to her. Tip: It’s the little things that accomplish this; you’d be surprised how excited a wife will get simply because her husband surprised her by doing the laundry — assuming he knows how to do it and didn’t shrink her bras and panties. Don’t shrink her bras and panties.