Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: How much sports is too much sports for a guy? My boyfriend almost takes it to an annoying level with ESPN and fantasy baseball. I'm afraid it's only going to get worse with the stupid basketball tournament coming up.
— Claire
A: Claire, it’s going to get worse… March Madness is huge for sports fans. Ask him what sports and levels he likes. Is it all of them? Oftentimes, guys are only into certain sports and not others. For example, I’m big on hockey and NFL football, but could care less about basketball or college football (I didn’t go to a Big Ten school or other big football institution, so it never caught on with me). So if you find out what he likes, you’ll be able to find when the breaks in his sport watching will occur. If he likes all sports, there will never be too much for him. (Is this where you tell me he’s a sportscaster or sportswriter?) You better get used to it. Please don’t pretend to like sports and ask him questions about the game while you watch it with him; lots of women are given this advice by idiot self-help doctors and authors, telling them “it creates bonding.” Bullshit. In fact, 50 percent of all domestic homicides result directly from wives asking their husbands dumb questions while they’re trying to watch the big game. Seriously, check the stats. There are many guys who don’t like sports at all, and you can always meet one of them. I suggest to start by attending chess tournaments or a “Jeopardy” reunion party.

Q: I'm dating a guy who keeps telling me he's separated from his wife, and I want to believe him. But there signs that lead me to believe he's not going to leave her and doesn't want to, like I am just a fling to fill a void. I know he enjoys our time together, but I don't think he can separate himself from his former life and it worries me.
— Anonymous, 28
A: The fact that you’re writing in anonymously tells me you know you are being an idiot and just need a little push to cut the cord. This really depends on what you want. Do you want to be the other woman? Do you want a guy who is ready to commit? Do you want to be married? Even if he is actually separated (which sounds doubtful), he will not be ready to be in another real relationship for a long time. If you’re cool with that, OK. If not, let me tell you a little bit about where you live. It’s called Chicago. It’s full of several million people, many of them single, available, relationship-seeking men. But you’re right; why make yourself available to one of them? Instead, keep trying to convince yourself you aren’t the other woman and that the guy you’re dating wants to go from a failed marriage directly into a serious relationship. You already know what needs to be done; do it!

Q: There’s a girl on a bus I ride almost every morning who I really want to meet. We share smiles on occasion, and she seems like she'd be approachable. Problem is, she gets on the bus before me, and there is always someone sitting next to her. And I get off downtown before she does. How can I pull this off without seeming like a creep?
— Michael, 31
A: Michael, you clearly have not read “God is a Woman.” SMACK SMACK SMACK — consider yourself bitch slapped. You need to develop these skills, and it’s easy enough to do. Take it from a guy who was voted sweetest guy in high school (as far as girls were concerned, I was like another one of their pink stuffed animals) and went on to develop these skills. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can show you what I would do.

I’d punch out the bus driver, diffuse a bomb under the bus while driving over 55 m.p.h., all while making out with the girl. Oh wait, sorry, that’s the realistic movie solution to your problem.

Here’s what I would do: Look for the common denominator. We ride the bus together, and see each other on it “almost every morning.” We also “share smiles on occasion.” Anything else? Reading the same book? Carrying the same bag? Let’s say there’s nothing else, and all we have are these three things. I’d get on the bus and share smiles, again. I would take steps toward her as we shared smiles while saying, “You know, I’m kind of mad at you.” By the end of that sentence, I’d be near her. She would question why and probably frown. “Well, every day we’re both on this bus, so you know I’m going to be on it, yet you never save me a seat and I have to stand. It’s kind of rude.” The conversation will begin. (If other seats are open and she points that out, I would shrug, “Yes, but those seats aren’t up to my high standards. You should know that by now, as often as we’re both on this bus. Again, you disappointment me.”) Or, I would accuse her of following me as we shared smiles — “Are you stalking me?” Or… you get the idea. The key is using the common denominator(s).

Q: I like clubs and swankier lounges, but my boyfriend prefers sports bars and pubs. I think he's a great guy and would love to have him come out with me and my friends, but I don't want to pressure him if he's not into that scene. Any suggestions? And I don't want to have to eat wings in a dark bar watching basketball to compromise.
— Jessica, 26
A: So you want him to come to your haunts, but you don’t want to have to go to his? Guys typically go to “swankier lounges” to meet women. Once we have a woman, there’s really not much of a reason to go to the lounge. Also, we tend not to really want to hang out with our girlfriend and her group of friends at a club, with no other guys in the group, as much as we do want to hear your friends point out cute guys to each other or talk about fashion. The solution? Go to a club with just you and him. Period. You can dance, gaze into each other’s eyes, make out, yada, yada, yada. If he has fun, suggest going there again when you and your friends are heading out. There’s a good chance he’ll be up for it.