Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: Is there a cordial or decent way to tell a friend that you're not a big fan of his girlfriend? A lot of us have issues with her, but none of us are sure how to break it to him. Or even if we should. Please help.
— Pat, 31
A: If he’s happy with her, keep your mouth shut, unless you have reason to believe she is cheating or dissing him behind his back. Or if you see red flags, like indicators that she is only dating him for his money. If any of these are the case, just come straight out and tell him. The only question is: Are they a good fit? It’s not about if she is a good fit with you guys. If he spends a lot of time complaining or ripping on her when she’s not around, that is something you should point out. “Dude, are you really happy with her? I mean, have you noticed that you hardly ever have a good word to say about her?”

Q: Ian, what do you think is the best type of food for a first date? It seems like I've tried it all, but is there one you prefer that isn't messy, is pretty accepted universally and maybe even helps break the ice?
— David M., 28
A: Sundaes off each other’s chests is the best first date meal. It also helps a little to break the ice. If you’re worried about what food to eat on a first date, you are way overthinking it. You know what I eat? Whatever I’m in the mood for! Think less about your food and more about your date. If you’ve paid attention, you’ll know where to go based on your conversations with her. You can use appetizers anywhere to break the ice.

Q: How can you tell if a boyfriend's brother is flirting with you or just being nice? I seriously can't tell, but I know that he's always focusing on me when I'm around. He's a fun guy and I don't think there's anything to worry about, but if I didn't know him and he was talking to me like he does in a bar somewhere, I may think otherwise.
— Leslie, 26
A: If he shoves his hands up your shirt, he is flirting with you. If he fondles you over your shirt, he is just being nice. Seriously, how much time do you and your boyfriend spend hanging out with his brother? Why? Regardless, you should be able to tell if he is flirting with you. It sounds like we need to define flirting. Flirting is communication that contains sexual undertones. Examples include unnecessary touching while laughing at a joke, winking, suggestive comments… you know the drill. If he isn’t doing any of those things, he’s just being nice; otherwise, he is flirting, and you should just tell your boyfriend to tell his brother to stop flirting with you. If all he’s doing is staring at you when you’re around, he’s not flirting. He’s just creepy. Ask your boyfriend to pay attention either to see if he notices it or if he thinks it’s just your imagination. Brother or not, we will spot a guy scoping out our girl, and we won’t tolerate it!

Q: I'm glad I have an outlet for a question like this because I'm too embarrassed to ask one of my friends. OK, here goes. What is a good age to expect a guy to start, well, calming down from a hormone standpoint? My boyfriend is 30 but sometimes acts like he's still 16 if you know what I mean. I don't always mind it, but it seems a little strange. What do you think?
— A.K.
A: Sorry, I don’t know what you mean. Is he too much for you in bed? Does he finish too quickly? Is he behaving like an ass? Playing boyish pranks? Too excited when you’re about to have sex and thus unable to take it to a mature sexual level (he does a Tom-Cruise-on-Oprah’s-couch whenever he sees you naked)? Spell it out, woman! I’m a guy, and we’re clueless, remember? If he acts like that at age 30, he’s either very inexperienced or immature, and it’s not likely to change until you’ve been together for a while.

Q: Simple question: Flowers on a first date, or the next day if it goes well? Thanks.
— Roger, 28
A: Simple answer: No flowers. They scare the hell out of women on the first date these days or make you come off looking too eager or like a sap. They are too cliché for the next day. Wait until you are dating someone before you send flowers. After a few dates, if you want to do something nice, send her a mug with candy in it or a big cookie she can share with co-workers. Think outside the box!