Rent Rodman for a day? Sounded too good to be true

By Trent Modglin

I admit, I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker, as my dad likes to say.

One of my writers, Paul Banks, sent the link my way as a possible story idea for this summer. The website was RentRodman.com, and it was developed to, as you may have guessed, rent the services of one Dennis Rodman, former rebounding fiend for the Bulls, former celebrity dater, former all-around psychological experiment gone wrong.

These were the words on the website in late March: “Celebrity rental services are either insultingly extravagant ($250,000 for dinner with Leonardo DiCaprio) or worthlessly attainable ($5 for a video greeting card from Mr. Belding). Strike the balance between affordability and star appeal, with RentRodman.com.”

Awareness of such a unique venture first came from a website called Thrillist.com, which publishes a helpful and apparently humorous daily newsletter about the best in food, entertainment, travel, all that good stuff.

It was all said to be the brainchild of a River North nightlife promoter with ties to Rodman, offering a “grab-bag of services from the actual Dennis Rodman, at prices so reasonable, Dennis Rodman could afford them.”

Perhaps Dennis, none too interested in a 401K plan, has been spending a bit too much time in Vegas. Anyway, the site suggested you could shoot hoops with Rodman. A game of H-O-R-S-E costs just $100. Riding a Harley with him down Michigan Avenue for 15 minutes, complete with two personalized autographs and 10 minutes of unlimited photos, would only set you back $80. Thinking about a tattoo or bold new hair color? He’ll tag along and offer his advice for a mere 80 bones. How about private, one-hour dating consultations for regular guys for a mere $125, where he will “regale you and your crew with stories about bedding various celebrities from Madonna to Carmen Electra.”

The site suggests that “not since Scott Baio has there been a more in-demand man by starlets in Hollywood than Rodman.” I don’t know about that. My guess is there’s a few dudes in L.A. who are more sought after than The Worm. I certainly hope so, anyway.

Regardless, I thought it would be a guaranteed good time. Thought it would make for a great story. I was ready to call, to e-mail, to hand over my credit card to whomever was behind this genius idea… and keep the tab open. On a Harley next to The Worm on the Magnificent Mile? Can you really put a price on that? Well, they did. And I was ready to pay it, or in true journalist fashion, try to work out some free trade. Or something.

Simply put, I was as excited about a story idea as I had been in some time.

But as it turns out, it was all a hoax for that little bastard of a holiday called April Fool’s Day. Afterward, I stewed. All the visions of hanging out with the oddity that is Dennis Rodman, in somewhat normal circumstances, were set adrift in a sea of disappointment.

As I angrily kicked a can down the street, the whole thought of the mere possibility got me thinking. In this society of ours, induced in a deep love affair with celebrities, what price do you think people would pay to hang with a celebrity? To wander through the travel section at Borders with Tom Brady? Go shoe shopping with Sarah Jessica Parker? Take your car for an oil change to talk movies and politics with George Clooney? Enjoy crepes and an espresso with Scarlett Johansson?

Think about those people who scream at publicity events when Cameron Diaz or Brad Pitt smile and wave from a red carpet 200 feet away. How much would they shell out for 30 minutes alone with them? An hour? How about a day? The obsessed teenaged girl with 12 posters of Justin Timberlake on her bedroom walls? The guy with copies of every movie Al Pacino has ever done? Chances are, the willing rate for those folks to satisfy their needs is going to be a bit higher than the rest of us. But there are a lot of them out there.

It’s actually quite an intriguing scenario to think about because, culturally, we are just that crazy over celebs. We want to wear what they wear, speak how they speak, do what they do. It’s a sickness, really, when you think about it. If you don’t agree, peruse the magazine rack at a grocery store the next time you’re picking up some bread, or check the Nielsen ratings for E! or “Entertainment Tonight.”

And the reality is, those people who empty their savings account for such an encounter will either be pleasantly surprised that their celebrity of choice can remain relatively grounded and friendly, or they’re going to be terribly disappointed because he or she isn’t the person they appeared to be in the movies or on David Letterman. No doubt it’ll be one or the other, with little room in between.

Personally, I’ve never been that much in awe of those in the public eye. In fact, I probably wouldn’t cross the street to see most celebrities, but for the sake of journalism, I believe I could have carved an hour out of my Saturday to spend with Dennis Rodman.

Which leaves me disappointed again. Damn that April Fool’s Day. Cruising Michigan Avenue with him on a Harley or hitting a club and hearing about being married to Carmen Electra would have been worth it. Guess I’ll have to resort to lowering the bar a bit, like getting a quick hello from the principal from “Saved by the Bell.”

Yep, the $5 video greeting card from Mr. Belding is on its way.

Trent Modglin
Publisher
The Real Chicago
Trent@TheRealChicago.org

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