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The Singles Survey

Readers sound off on the single life in Chicago

It’s hard, the single life. And interesting. And entertaining. And frustrating. Not to mention so many other adjectives. Which is why, in this May issue, The Real Chicago decided to focus in on single life in the city: what it is, what it offers, the heartbreak or freedom it brings about, the fun it provides, etc. A little sample of it all. On pages 14, 15 and 18, you’ll find more articles, opinion and feedback on the dating life in Chicago, and check out our website at www.therealchicago.org for this entire Singles Survey, as this is just a mere smattering of all the responses we received.

1. What is the most enjoyable part about being single in Chicago?
Knowing Oprah is still single.

Having so many options when it comes to one’s social life.

Getting strange ass with no questions asked.

Lots of different things to do and places to go.

Getting the opportunity to meet new people.

Being out in beautiful weather, striking up conversations with beautiful men — that’s the most enjoyable part.

Having the option to sleep with any girl I want, whenever I want. Unfortunately, simply having the option doesn’t get you very far if the feeling isn’t reciprocal.

Tons of fun events and activities geared toward single people.

Opportunities through social clubs and events to meet many different kinds of people.

Hmmm... I don’t know if it’s being single in Chicago or just being single in general. I believe the most enjoyable part is being able to meet and get to know so many people from different backgrounds. Sure, you can do that with a boyfriend, but it’s nice to have the freedom to not worry about him looking over your shoulder. There are so many places to explore that can enhance a date and give the dating world more excitement.

The view. You see a beautiful women every two seconds here, and I am sorry, but it’s hard not to look. Being single in Chicago means you do not have to feel guilty when you stare.

Meeting all the cute little boys.

Hooking up with drunk chicks at Duffy’s and McGee’s.

The plethora of beautiful women from which to choose

Never having to go to his crappy work event or his grandma’s birthday dinner. I have enough of my own obligatory events.

All the great things to do spontaneously: Cubs games, intermural sports activities, going to the beach, concerts, meeting people out for drinks in the beer garden... and the list goes on.

Looking at the menu and being able to select from the menu.

All the possibilities.

The freedom to flutter around a room with the thought of possibly meeting someone new who’s exciting and you can have fun with. No restrictions or commitments!

2. What is the most frustrating part about being single in Chicago?
It’s really hard to get a hold of Oprah.

The boys! Where did all the good ones go? Have they all been snatched up already? Or did they just move away?

Getting strange ass with no questions asked.

Because there are so many different places to go, you may meet someone once and never see them out again.

I’m finding as I get older, the opposite sex is staying younger.

Doing the same thing all the time with your single friends.

The feeling isn’t reciprocal enough.

There are so many single people, and so many fun things to do all the time that I think a lot of the singles in Chicago want to remain single. Too many options, the mindset that there may always be something/someone better next weekend at the next festival.

The fact that the only places to meet guys, it seems, are bars like John Barleycorn, where the singles appear to have sprung from a test tube designed to create the perfect creeper.

The constant question as to why we can’t find someone when there are so many singles out there. Or, where are all the men that have what I want?!

The fact that society still has a stigma towards it. This is the Midwest, and many people I know are stuck in that socially regressive, small-town mindset.

Of course it is trying to meet someone. The bars can be a great pickup place or terrible. Outside of that, no one wants to be the cheese ball who picks up a chick on the train while she is just trying to get home from work.

Guys’ inconsistency and putting career, etc., before you

Hooking up with drunk chicks at Duffy’s and McGee’s.

Not having enough time or money to do it right like a “playa.”

It’s really nice to just hang out at home and watch a movie on the couch at night. If you are a couple, that’s called a “quiet night in.” If you are single, you should be working or at the gym you lazy loser!

Sometimes you want to have a specific person to do those spontaneous things with.

Looking at the menu expecting to see tiramisu but only finding stale cookies.

Nothing.

All the losers out there who only talk about themselves and are not grounded. Gross.

3. How easy/difficult is it to meet people from the opposite sex here?
Very easy; you can get or give oral sex for a parking space.

It depends what quality of guy you are looking for!

Very easy. Beautiful city = beautiful people.

It’s pretty easy to meet people from the opposite sex, but when it comes to meeting a person with good qualities, that person is pretty difficult to find.

It is very easy to meet people from the opposite sex. I never have a hard time meeting hot men. You find the guy you want to talk to, stand next to him, exchange a couple of glances (smiling of course), then ask him question. You’ll know if he’s the one you want to talk to the entire evening, or move on.

Depends on how motivated you are, how social you are and how big your balls are. The women aren’t hard to find — simply go to a semi-popular bar on pretty much any day of the week, especially in the summer, and the women will be there. If you’re a good conversationalist and aren’t afraid to approach strangers (being drunk often helps), it’s quite easy to meet women. Getting them to call you back is the hard part.

Seems to be easy to meet ones that want a casual relationship and difficult to meet people looking for a more committed relationship.

Pretty hard when you’re in school 11 hours a day.

It can go both ways. Meaning, there are so many singles in Chicago, it is easy to find someone to have a quick conversation with. However, due to the fact there are so many out there, we will quickly decide to move on if he/she doesn’t have just what we want. Which can conclude in staying single like the rest of them.

Meet? Very easy. Meet in a way that actually has substance? Very, very difficult. It’s actually pretty hard to meet people in a way that you see them all the time in a natural way. Which is actually the best and only way to meet people — when you’re forced to get to know them in another setting before spending time with them socially. College and grad school are long over.

You can meet tons of people of the opposite sex here. Question is if you want to date them or not. A girl drunk at 3 p.m. in the bar on a Sunday is not the kind of chick I want to date. I will converse with her, but I am not taking her out.

Very, very easy.

Pretty easy, as long as your standards are reasonable.

Fairly easy, but it might not be the right place. I’ve never had any luck with women in clubs.

I think it’s actually pretty easy if you put yourself out there and are open to the fact that Mr. Right may not look like Brad Pitt (he may even wear a class ring!)

Depending on your personality, it’s pretty easy. If you can read people well, you know when they are interested and willing to talk. If you are doubting their response will be positive, you might consider keeping the conversation within your group.

It’s easy to meet them, more difficult to match with them.

Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s easy. Summertime is always the best time!

Pretty difficult. I think guys don’t have the nerve to talk with women anymore. But maybe it’s because women come off as unapproachable. Not sure. Big cities are more difficult because you don’t get typically get to run into the same people over and over again like you would if you lived in a smaller town, which may present more of an opportunity to get a chance to talk with someone if you didn’t the first time you met them.

4. How quickly do you usually determine whether you want to go on a second date with someone?
If there is good conversation, wit and chemistry, I'll go on a second date.

Shortly into the first date. If he plans a good date, conversation is interesting, he can make me laugh and I find him at least semi-attractive, I think I can handle at least one more! As long as he pays (just kidding!).

First five minutes.

If the conversation is flowing and there is a lot of laughter, I can tell in the first 30 minutes of the date (before alcohol consumption) that I would go on a second date with him.

I usually know within the first hour. There are a few important qualities that I look for and they usually come out right away.

After the first hour, sometimes even half-hour.

Usually know within an hour.

How about a first (date)? Like, within seconds.

I am rather open-minded about dating. However, I will admit that I seem to conclude if I want a second date rather fast. If the first date is full of long pauses, no laughing, him talking the whole time, him answering his phone, no smiles, no intriguing ideas, no gestures that show a little bit of chivalry, then I probably won’t waste either of our time for a second date.

If she’s not double my size and on serious mind-altering meds, I’ll probably give her another shot. Unless she says something horrible and/or retarded, which I’ll usually hear within the first hour.

Within the first hour you can tell if you have anything in common. After an hour, the nerves calm down a bit and you can pretty much tell what type of person they are.

Within the first half hour.

Almost immediately.

An hour is all it takes.

I am pretty open. Unless its horrible, I’ll generally give someone a second chance.

Immediately. Being single and 30, I know what I want and there is no point to draw it out any more than I have to. It’s never easy telling someone you aren’t interested or it’s not going to work, but it saves both parties time and money if you’re honest from the start.

It’s like interviewing someone... you know within the first five minutes.

Hmmm... usually at the end of the date unless it’s really bad and I cut out early.

Honestly? About three and a half minutes.

5. If in a relationship, what advice would you give the single folks out there? If single, what advice would you give the committed folks out there?
Please stop calling me.

Buy a car, park it, and wait for someone attractive to drive down the street, looking for a parking spot.

If you have a good one, don’t mess it up!

Never settle.

If you're with someone, make sure that you still take advantage of the city and not become homebodies.

If the single folks are happy out there being single, then more power to you! I loved being single, but when I met my guy, I knew instantly that I wanted him to be my husband. Our first date was unplanned, we had a lot of fun getting know one another (our families, our dreams and ambitions, our friends and our lives) and nature took its course. The most important advice to single folks out there is to have a sense of humor.

Don’t ever force a relationship to work. You’ll end up miserable in the long run.

Get involved in activities you find interesting, like a ski club, running club, social/dinner group or a music class. That way you really get to know people, and those people get to know who you are. This is a much better way to establish a real connection versus expecting to find Mr. or Mrs. Right in the bars or at a street festival after drinking six Miller Lites as you bust out your moves to Hairbangers Ball.

Have a lot of good friends.

I am single now, but I have also been in relationship since living in Chicago. It is a great place to have a significant other! If your relationship is feeling a little redundant, which is normal, you are living in a city where you can do anything to spice it up. Step outside your routine and comfort zone and try a new restaurant, museum, activity, event, or just get on the CTA and ride around the city together. This is a city where the two of you can create constant adventure.

Please make your lives more interesting, so you don’t drill me for details about mine. I know it’s a cliche that married men love to live vicariously through their single friends and salivate over “single guy” stories, but seriously, find some new hobbies or spice up your marriage because I only entertain people when I’m getting paid to do it. I’m not your dancing monkey.

I would tell single folks to stay single. This town has way to much to do to be tied down by one person.

Keep going out and meeting people.

I don’t consider myself qualified to give relationship advice of any kind.

Take your time. Marriage takes work and a willingness to compromise.

I have no insights, clearly!

I’m currently dating, but it’s very fresh, about two months old, so not sure if I categorize as “in a relationship.” With that said, I would advise singles to go after what you want. It’s important not to overwhelm your significant other with your every thought about the relationship, but also as important to drop a casual feeling of excitement so the other party knows where you are.

For the committed, I would suggest to keep the lines of communication open — always — with good thoughts and bad! If you are uncomfortable talking about where you stand in the relationship before taking the next step, maybe you should be taking a step down. From what I’ve been told, it usually doesn’t get easier once you’re married and/or with children, so start it out right!

Don’t lose your sense of individuality.

Be as independent as possible and have fun!

I’m a hypocrite, but give people a chance. It’s so easy to brush someone off if they are “not your type.” But you don’t know what is underneath that person’s skin.

6. What puzzles you most with the opposite sex?
That many of them value their friends’ opinions over their own, most often revealed in the women’s rest room.

How they can pursue you and act completely interested in you one day, and then say they aren’t ready to date the next!

I find that men can have a hard time just being honest and like to give you the run-around.

Men are big and muscular on top, but have skinny chicken legs from waist down. Very puzzling.

How a woman thinks and makes decisions. I would love to be a woman just for a short time. I bet it would clear up a lot of things.

Why commitment is so scary to some men and not so much for others, and also thinking that 18-year-old women are still going to want to date them when they’re 45.

Pretty much everything.

Being from Georgia, it seems to me that southern men have a light-heartedness about them that I have not seen as much in Chicago. I strongly dislike men that care too much of what other people think of them or take life to seriously. Smile you guys! Be optimistic! It is so attractive.

Why they truly are insane. OK, not all women, but so many women strive to create strife and drama when there absolutely is none. To me, that is the perfect definition of insanity. I recently had an ex-girlfriend tell me, “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner, and that scares me.” I thought to myself, “God, how screwed up is she? To still be thinking this way at age 32? To me, this would be like advancing to the title game of the NCAA tournament, then having your coach tell you just before tipoff that “The object here is not to win.”

Women overanalyze everything when it comes to men. What does this mean? What will happen? What does he think of me? Every little thing is scrutinized. Just relax.

Why they cheat and don’t tell you they have a girlfriend.

I’m not particularly puzzled by the opposite sex.

How emotions play such a big role in decisions and actions.

I gotta think more about that one.

This is a tough one... everyone is so unique. It never ceases to amaze me how different the mind of a woman and the mind of a man can be. Some men really don’t analyze things as some women do. For example, after a disagreement or an argument, if the woman asks, “Are you OK?” and the man answers, “Yes, I’m fine,” he typically is and just wants to continue on with life. If a woman answers, “I’m fine,” you know there is a lot more going on in that complex head of hers, and you might want to turn the game off for a few minutes and take what is to come. Otherwise, give it a day or two and look out!

Why they won’t tell you what they want, but instead expect you to figure out what they want. We’re not mind-readers. But we’re more likely to become mind-readers if given some guidance.

Ugh... how guys don’t listen. And how they don’t like to plan ahead.

How men don’t think like women — the right way.

7. What is the first thing that usually catches your eye with someone?
Their parking spot.

There is no way I could choose just one. I look at the smile and the face in general, and then work my way down to the body and the style of dress. But I just might be a little more on the pickier side!

Their eyes.

Superficially, I notice someone's eyes first, but if I’m looking at personality, I look at humor and how quickly someone starts asking me questions instead of talking about themselves.

A man’s broad shoulders.

Boobs. I can’t help it. My eyes just gravitate down there.

Smile and eyes.

Whether or not their collar is popped.

Their smile.

Boobies and hair, and white girls with junk in the trunk.

Their face mostly. You can tell a lot about a girl by her expression and the amount of makeup she has on. It is pretty easy to spot stuck-up girls and bimbos by looking at them in the eye.

Good face, smile.

Eyes and face. Followed closely by ass and cans.

The mouth. I love a “purty” mouth.

Smile or eyes — a kind face goes a long way with me. But if I don’t laugh at something you say within the first hour, I have lost all interest.

Eyes first, then smile.

If they smile with their whole face.

How they look... their face usually.

Height and smile.

8. The dating life is...
A lot of fun if you just relax and enjoy getting to know your date, as opposed to looking for reasons not to date them, which is what most people do on dates.

Getting old! Although it can be fun in the summer, it gets a little lonely in the winter. I prefer to hibernate in the winter, and it would be so much better if there were someone there to join me!

Full of surprises.

Fun in the city, with lots of great people to meet and things to do. But at the same time it can be pretty frustrating meeting that someone you want to go on more than one date with.

Great in the winter not so fun in the summer.

For the birds.

An adventure which hopefully has a happy ending, finding the one you were meant to be with.

A unique experience that will eventually be replaced with one person. So have fun with it while you can, even if it is frustrating at times.

Best referred to as the “dating life,” or in special cases, “relationships.” If you are a man and you use the term “love life,” you have no balls. There is no debate on that point.

A game. Who can hide their flaws and sell themselves the best.

Fun but can be frustrating.

Unbearable. I hate dating more than anything in the world; my preference is to be completely single and unattached or in an established relationship. Anything in between sucks.

Expensive.

Interesting, frustrating, fun, exciting, difficult — pick your word depending on your current situation/outlook.

Amazing!

Expensive.

Great, confusing, fun and frustrating. The grass is always greener.

Fun but frustrating. It’s hard to find a good one out there.

Trent Modglin
Publisher
The Real Chicago
Trent@TheRealChicago.org

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