Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: In your experience, is there any kind of food specifically that you find to be entertaining or a good topic of conversation for a first date?
— Marcus
A: Marcus, I answered this like two months ago — ice cream off each other’s bare chests is the only way to go for a first date meal. Seriously, if you are “considering food as a good topic of conversation for a first date,” the date will be over long before dessert. And entertaining? You’re supposed to be engaging and somewhat entertaining; as a rule of thumb, you never want the food on the date to be more exciting to you. In your case, I would say play it safe and stick with dry crackers and water. (Warm water without any ice, just to be safe.)

Q: Summer is around the corner. Give me your top three things to do on a date in this city of ours. I'm new to Chicago and have heard some decent ideas, but needed a few more.
— Tom
A: Movies in Grant Park. Guthrie’s Tavern. A stroll along the beach in the evening.

Q: My boyfriend of a few months has a real problem with me trying to pay for anything when we're together. I understand being a gentleman, but I probably make more than him and I actually want to treat him a lot of the time. It's starting to bother me, but it's not something he wants to talk about. Your thoughts?
— Christina
A: He wants to pay for everything? Hell, I’ll go out with him… Ask him at what point of the relationship you think he’ll start letting you pay for some dates. Tell him it’s important to you. If he refuses to discuss it or says, “Never,” you have two red flags to consider. One, it appears as though what’s important to you doesn’t matter if it conflicts with what’s important to him. Two, insisting on paying every time is a strong indicator of a control issue.

Q: I laughed at an article in the Real Chicago last month. Can you guess which one?
— Leslie
A: Let me say that last month’s Real Chicago was quite good with a lot of solid info, with the exception of one feature. You’re referring to the article about women checking their bad attitude at the door of the bar. The writer stated that a woman told him his line was “lame” when he told her his friend wanted to meet her. She was totally right, and it has nothing to do with her having an attitude. Women want to meet confident men; it’s the number one quality they seek (ask a bunch of random women at a bar if you don’t believe me). How exactly is your friend confident if he asks you to approach a woman for him? Women take a lot of time to get ready and to decide where to go when they go out to meet men —“Can I borrow your red blouse, Cynthia?” “Sure. Can I wear your silver bracelet? It goes great with the buckles on my shoes.” Is it too much to ask that guys put a little effort into approaching them? If you think so, go ahead and throw some Spiderman sheets on your bed; no woman is ever going to see them, so you have nothing to worry about. Why would a woman want to talk to you if she feels you are simply cock-blocking the guys who put a little elbow grease into meeting her? (I cited this article in a radio appearance and a woman called in. Her thoughts? “We want to meet men, not boys. He needs to grow up.”)

Q: If I'm 34, how young is too young for a potential girlfriend in your mind? Don't think that I'm hanging out across from the high school, but I was just curious because I met a really sweet girl last week, but she's 21 and in college. A penny for your thoughts because my friends aren't letting me hear the end of it.
— Dave
A: Just FYI, the Men’s Warehouse is currently offering big discounts on tuxes for the prom. Hurry over there and get yours! Why the hell would I care about the age of a woman you date? I’m not your penis! Age has very little to do with maturity and experience. For example, when I was 23, I started to date a woman who was 31. She was the emcee at the comedy club I was working for the week, and I was the feature. She came after me but then bailed after a few months because her friends were teasing her so badly. What did her friends know? She was a comedienne and karate expert; she missed the Olympics by like two fights. She led a completely different life than her friends; a life which I fit in with and understood much better than her friends. Want to shut your friends up? The best defense is a strong offense. Tell one you have to go help your girl study for her anatomy final with a very hands-on approach, then wish his lady luck with her cataract surgery. Young women can be very appealing because they are not tainted with the skepticism and bitterness many women our own age have (not because they are young, as women our age believe and refuse to believe anything else). Often, though, it doesn’t work out because young women want to club hop all night long and might not even want to start the evening until 11 p.m. It gets old fast, and guys in their 30s typically don’t want to “party” like that anymore. I say go for it and see where it goes. Most likely, it will end up just being a romp, but hey, one last romp with a 21 year-old coed wouldn’t be so bad, would it? Of course, she may laugh in your face and call you a “creepy old man.” But you won’t know until you try, and who knows, maybe she’ll hook you up with her professor … her anatomy professor.