Answers to your dating questions from comedian Ian Coburn, author of the ever-popular "God is a Woman: Dating Disasters”

Be warned: Ian’s not your mom, and he’ll tell it like it is! Send your questions to info@TheRealChicago.org or www.godisawoman.net and check out all the great book reviews on Amazon. “God is a Woman” is available at bookstores and all online booksellers.

Q: How can I politely break it to my girlfriend that it takes her way too long to get ready when we go out? Really, she's beautiful, and I don't think she needs that much work. It makes us late pretty regularly, which is a big issue for me. No big deal for her. — Randy, 30
A: Randy, Randy, Randy. Are you out of your mind? There is no way in hell you can bring this up with her. This is a personality trait you either accept or don’t; you won’t change it. You’ll only be met by, “I’m doing it for you, you jerk!” Instead, just be smart. Build in a time delay. Tell her dinner starts at 7:30 instead of 8. If you get caught doing that, you can simply tell her, “I don’t want you to feel rushed getting ready, so this way you can take your time without me pestering you.” I’ve done this with girlfriends, and they’ve actually appreciated it. I “understand,” as they put it. Be smart, Randy. And keep your trap shut.

Q: I figure in your time you've heard some good proposal ideas or stories. Care to pass along a few that were noteworthy? — D.W., 32
A: I will if you share your name. Really, you want me to pass on good ideas, and all you can give us is “D.W.?” To be honest, I haven’t really heard of any proposal stories or ideas. I hear the bad and the funny, not the good, typically. Sorry.

Q: Your answers in this column make you sound confident. Almost overly confident sometimes. Do you think confidence is something a guy can learn, or is it more of a natural thing? My boyfriend is pretty shy, and I'd love to figure out a way to build more confidence in him.
— Beth, 25
A: If he’s dating you, his shyness is working for him, so why change it? Where is his confidence lacking? At work? Meeting your friends? With your family? His? I give a lot of tips on building confidence in my book God is a Woman. The big question is, how did you meet him? I am baffled by the number of women who e-mail me complaining their guy isn’t confident — and they met him on the internet. No kidding? You met a shy guy through online dating? Wow, I gotta sit down, that’s so shocking. If he’s shy during group conversations, incorporate him. If a subject comes up, and you know he has some thoughts he could share but he doesn’t, give him a nudge. “Trapper (or whatever your boyfriend’s name is) was talking about that the other day. What were saying again, honey?” I’m very confident because I realized something years ago: The only person I have to live with is me. So, if I’m not saying what I think needs to be said or happy with my job or whatever it may be, it’s my job to put up or shut up.

Q: Ever taken a road trip with a relatively new significant other? Any plan for keeping it somewhat sane and not getting on each other's nerves? I really like this one, and I'm a bit nervous about finding something annoying about her, or vice versa. — Taylor, 29
A: In October, I took a second date to a corn maze near the Wisconsin border. Her friends told her she shouldn’t go because we’d have to keep the conversation going for an hour and a half, one way. Ooh, the pressure. Taylor, you are practicing the mistake most people practice: You’re looking for a reason not to date your new interest. Stop it! Instead, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Whether you like it or not, you’re going to find things to get annoyed about…and vice versa. Be confident — it makes a world of difference.

Q: They wrote about cougars in the last issue of The Real Chicago. Why do cougars get a bad name? If it were a 40-year old guy dating a younger girl, he'd be getting high fives from his friends. Why is it such a difference?
— Sally, 42
A: Sally, are you your own woman or a mindless follower? As I recall, the article wasn’t about cougars as much as it was about coining the phrase “cougar” and then failing to have the insight to patent it, so that later it was stolen. The reality is, everything is a bigger deal for women than men because women let it become a bigger deal. As I note in God is a Woman, “What happens between a man and a woman from a man’s perspective is between the man and the woman. What happens between a man and a woman from a woman’s perspective is between the man, the woman, her friends, her co-workers, the girls at the gym, Oprah…” It’s not just cougars, is it? Women who sleep with someone on the first date are sluts. Women who ask out a guy aren’t lady-like. You know the happiest women I meet, the best to date? They’re the ones who don’t listen to all the outside noise. When I was 23, I dated someone who was 31. She ended it because of pressure and teasing from her friends. When I was 25, I hooked up with a woman who was in her 40s. She tuned out her friends. Funny thing, afterward, her friends were jealous. They went from chastising her to becoming jealous of her. Don’t listen to the outside noise, Sally. My longest relationships have all started with sex on the first date. Huh. Just maybe the general consensus doesn’t really know anything; they just have a lot of time to sit around and come up with BS.

The Real Chicago is proud to announce Ian Coburn now has a column with Lifetime entitled “Ask A Guy.” You can send questions to him there, too. If the column does well, he’ll receive a publishing deal to write his next book, “50 Things You Didn't Know About Every Guy.”

Visit Ian at www.mylifetime.com by clicking “relationships” then scrolling down to “Ask A Guy.” Leave your comments! And of course, keep sending questions to Ian here at info@TheRealChicago.org. Not every question gets answered on Lifetime due to the volume of questions asked.